.jpg)
Coming to grips with the realization that I may not be “right” about things was hard for me. Learning to be subjective and apologize if I wasn’t was an added bonus.
As I dragged myself through my awakening discovering the patterns I was perpetuating was horrendous. The places where I continuously fought for the ”rightness“ of my belief systems and points of view. The words I used to validate I was right and some else was wrong. It all became so clear one evening.
I was arguing with one of my daughters about something I had said. She had done something and it created quite a big mess. And when I asked her what in the world she was thinking, choosing that she reminded me that not so long ago I specifically told her to not do the opposite. So what was she supposed to do? Even though it didn’t feel right she chose it as I had told her not to do the other thing. I explained to her that it was situational and that she needed to check-in and use her awareness. And that’s when she said it. “Do you want me to make my own choices mom or do you want me to follow your rules?” That‘s when it hit me. I had to stop deciding for everyone. My idea of right and wrong just caused a huge mix-up and mess that could have completely been avoided had I not decided my way was the right way.
As I reflected on this moment in time I remembered all the times I believed someone else’s opinion over myself. I felt the struggle, I was still coming to terms with that. “I don’t have to check in with others about what I want to choose.” And I looked at my three precious young girls and realized that one day they were going to be adults and if I didn’t teach them how to stop checking in with me to see if their choices are right we are all going to be in trouble.
Fast forward to today, just about 9 years later and my now twenty-year-old texts me (she lives in a different state) she has been offered a position at a record label as a booking agent. And she tells me she told them she would get back to them in a few days she’s considering it. And I am floored.
I did that. I raised that. I raised an independent woman who didn’t call her mom and ask what choice was right. She told a record label she would get back to them. She is feeling out the option. And I know I made the “right“ choice. All kidding aside, unprogramming my children from my ideas of rightness was difficult. Apologizing for ideas and rules and choices I made that created crap was hard. But the more I did it the more my life changed. The less I parented and the more I questioned and encouraged them to choose for themselves. The more space I gave them to feel the right choice for them. The tears we shed because of not so great choices. The forgiveness I offered them from me and the invitation to forgive themselves taught them that sometimes you make mistakes. That’s okay. Sometimes you choose things you probably shouldn’t have chose. That's okay. Sometimes you say things you don’t mean. That's okay. And in the end, saying out loud that you made a mistake and apologizing for it is the magical key to creating ease with choices.
When you raise children with the idea that there is no right and no wrong only choices. Every choice creates something in your life. And choices have consequences. But you get to choose.
The more you stretch your choosing muscle the more you understand how choices create. The more you forgive yourself and support yourself the better choices you make. What if there is no right or wrong choice and discovering the right one for you is all that matters?
Today as I reflect on being a parent to three daughters I can honestly say the teenage years have been the best yet. I have watched them grow into strong capable women who make great choices for themselves. They understand how what they choose creates in their life. And they’re willing to say no to anything that doesn’t match what they want their lives to feel like. Even when it’s a fancy record label.
About the author
Jamie Bates is a consciousness facilitator, author, podcast host, wife, mother, empath, and energy healer. Jamie's podcast, Expand Your Reality offers a wide variety of tools and healing processes that are also found in her many workshops and online programs. Check them all out at www.jamie-bates.com