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  • Writer's pictureJamie Bates

Change The Behaviors You Hate

We are moving through a very important time of introspection. Right now the Universe is giving you an opportunity to get real clear about those old patterns you keep perpetrating on your life. You know, the ones where you do it and then you're like... "Why am I doing this? Why do I keep doing this even though I hate it???"

Because... you have engrained energetic patterns that you continually uphold until you have a different awareness or a different choice.

Right now we are moving through an intense time of change which is shedding a bright light on the patterns you're upholding that are contributing to the way your life shows up. If you don't like the way your life is, it's time to choose to get clear about what's creating that response or action and decide to change it. Sounds simple right??? Before you send me hate mail.... let's explore this concept for a minute.

Take something you do or be on the daily that brings you to the space of... "I don't want to do this anymore." What is it for you? Get that example firm in your head.

Now what do you normally do when you do this??? If you're like most people, you do something you hate, then your mad at yourself for doing it, then you feel really bad, then you spend the next few hours or even few days being angry or feeling bad about yourself. Then you push it aside and move on.

Notice how you don't ever give yourself the space to really look at it without some kind of emotional upset with yourself? This is a learned response. When you're small and you do something bad, your caregivers get upset with you. They engage in an emotional melt down of sorts, shame you, yell at you whatever. So you learn to perpetuate the same cycle on yourself.

You do bad = You are angry with you.

But the thing is that doesn't actually change anything... it just further complicates and contributes energy to the behavior you hate.

If you truly desire to change your old behaviors you have to give yourself the space to get clear about what it is you are doing that you hate so you can release it for good.

Step One: Acknowledgement Call out the behavior. It could be something like: "Oh man. I did it again! I totally did the thing I said I didn't want to do."

Step Two: Get emotional control

Stop for a moment and normalize your breath. Just be present with yourself for a moment and breathe. The problem will still be there. First you must get emotional control over yourself before trying to deal with this.

Step Three: Take responsibility

Sounds something like, "It's okay that I did it again. I am acknowledging it's just a learned behavior and I am now deciding I no longer want to do this anymore. I give myself the space and grace to change this." Step Four: Be gentle with you

Allow yourself to take responsibility without shaming or blaming yourself for being a bad person or doing it again. Give yourself space and grace. Change doesn't happen through force it happens through allowance. Mistakes happen that's life.

Step Five: Make a new powerful choice Talk through how you could have done things differently then you responded before. Make an action plan of sorts of how you would do things differently if you had a do over. Allow yourself to look at how you would like to be and start choosing to be that person. Step Six: Repeat this process until its changed

Repeat this process as many times as you need to until you change the behavior. Rome wasn't built in a day nor will you change your life long patterns overnight. Changing your learned behaviors takes time and patience. Be gentle with you. Understand that patterns take a while to change. Be space with you.

There are plenty of tools to help too! If you haven't yet go to and sign up for the free series.

About the author

Jamie Bates is a consciousness facilitator, author, podcast host, wife, mother, empath, and energy healer. Jamie's podcast, Expand Your Reality offers a wide variety of tools and healing processes that are also found in her many workshops and online programs. Check them all out at


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