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  • Writer's pictureJamie Bates

Consciously Maintaining Healthy Boundaries.

Having healthy boundaries in place can seem very difficult but in reality, it's very easy if you understand the big picture!

We have to get out of the need to fix, heal, and help others create their lives and understand that having healthy boundaries is best for everyone, including those around us.

The most common boundary issues I see among those who are empaths or energetically sensitive would be:

Saying no without feeling guilty.

If you feel guilty after you say no there is something way bigger going on here!

1. You are auto responding with no way too often. If you are constantly saying no, it's time to reevaluate what the bigger picture is here. Are you just auto responding in no? Or is no actually required? A good habit to get into is to allow people to ask you questions and pause and give yourself space to process the question before responding. Now, this doesn't mean you have to pause to have a response, just pause to be sure you actually want to say no. And if in fact, you do want to say no and still feel guilty, head to number two!

If you are saying no to a friend or a family member because you either can't or you won't be able to devote time and space to it gives them the room to find someone who can.

If you are saying no to someone because you don't actually feel up to allows them to choose it still or not. Understanding that sometimes you suddenly don't want to do something because of a way bigger picture. Like maybe you suddenly don't want to go out to dinner. You cancel and maybe something happens while they are in the restaurant or maybe you weren't meant to do something different and as soon as you say no the other thing becomes available and creates way more for everyone.

2. You are not connected to what works for you, you are inside the other person's universe feeling and perceiving for them. Saying no to someone when you're all up in what they want or desire is never going to feel good. Understanding that you can say no and they can in fact move forward or move on without you. Although there are lots of variables here saying no can actually be the greatest kindness to others.

If you are saying no to a child because you can't afford it or because you can't help them with it help them find resources to create it. Have them ask and receive for it or let them know how powerful they really are.

As you can see saying no doesn't mean anything about you. Feeling connected or guilty is not actually being connected to the flow of the universe. It's allowing all responsibility to lay on your shoulders creating upset and overwhelmed to be tangled in your universe instead of the bigger picture of what could be created.

Being able to say what works for you.

In order to say what works for you, you have to actually know what works for you! The more conscious and aware you become the more you realize how different energies affect your system.

When you get in a place where you are functioning in you and not continuously checking in with others you understand that you can not be responsible for what others are creating in their own lives. Plus when you see the big picture it's easy to see that sometimes not choosing someone else helps them to find what does work for them.

When something is in alignment it flows. If you are trying to do something or choose something that doesn't work for you or even the other people involved it will feel heavy and or hard. When you are in the flow of you, life shows up and allows the ease to come through for everyone! So saying no to someone else may actually be the exact key someone else needs to move on and actually find the flow that works.

If you find yourself meeting resistance with someone else, you can say things like, "this is very difficult for me but I have to share what works for me." Or "I am discovering how things affect my life and this affects me negatively and I just don't want to choose it anymore." If they don't understand and get upset with you, that is not yours. That has everything to do with them and their dependency on others. What you will more than likely find is those who don't like you setting boundaries will leave your life and the other ones will find that your boundaries work for them eventually too. Even creating them being able to define what works for them as well.

Feeling safe to express how you feel and have disagreements without the fear of someone being upset with you because they feel differently.

A big thing that helped me shift this for myself was understanding that people can only meet you where they are. If someone can not comprehend your viewpoint they are never going to see if your way. If this is the case, agreeing to disagree is really the only way to move forward. Also understanding that not everyone is walking the same truth. Everyone is entitled to their own truth. If their truth doesn't work for you then allow them to have their viewpoint.

I find that people most often feel upset because others feel differently in situations that feel dire or of the utmost importance. And in these cases, sometimes the best you can do is expand and breathe through it.

Feeling responsible for the feelings of others.

When we feel responsible for the feelings of others we are not functioning within ourselves. We are functioning in the projection and expectation of either ourselves or others. This is a tangled web we weave within this as projection and expectation never creates the best possible outcome only definitions and judgments. When we do this we only create space to be let down or feel emotionally invested which again creates a cycle of blame and shame. Saying what works for you is a kindness and strongness of you that literally has nothing to do with the other person.

When you really get how this Universe works energetically it's easy to see that really boundaries are only integration of what is real and true. Creating space for everyone to walk their own path.

About the author

Jamie Bates is a consciousness facilitator, author, podcast host, wife, mother, empath, and energy healer. Jamie's podcast, Expand Your Reality offers a wide variety of tools and healing processes that are also found in her many workshops and online programs. Check them all out at


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