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  • Writer's pictureJamie Bates

When Expectations Create Separations

When you function in a space of continuous expectation of someone you create a separation of them and an emptiness in you. What you expect of someone else has very little to do with them and everything to do with you. When you continuously expect you are telling them energetically and potentially verbally that their choices aren’t good enough for you. What that creates is a continuous cycle of wrongness.

What you want to do is look at the behavior someone is exhibiting. Is it directly harmful to you? More than likely not. It may have hurt your feelings but that‘s your perception, not theirs. You have to learn to meet people where they are, not where you want them to be.

If someone is exhibiting behavior that is not directly harmful to you, ask yourself why do you care? Making them wrong for the behavior is not going to change it. If they are exhibiting a behavior around you that makes you feel a certain way, you have choices. You can let them know that the behavior they are exhibiting does not work for you, the way it makes you feel does not work for you. Do not make them wrong. Let them do or be whatever it is they are doing and being but let them know that if it continues this will be your plan of action.

Set your boundaries. Let them know that this behavior creates this feeling for you and you don’t desire to feel this way. Then give them space. Don’t make them wrong for choosing it. Talk to them about other ways to deal with it. And most importantly don’t resist or react to the behavior. Every time you resist and react you are creating a projection and an expectation which further solidifies the upset and the behavior. Breathe. Do some energy pulls. Stand in what works for you and be in allowance of what they are creating.

Often I work with people who are in toxic relationships. They continuously tell me how upset they are with their spouse's behavior. And I explain, you have to stop being upset. Upset creates more upset. In this life, there is what works for you and what doesn’t. Start demanding what does work for you to show up and stop entertaining the crazy train. When someone expects you to do something and you don’t, does it make you feel good about yourself or bad? Stop projecting wrongness and realize the issues have to be cleared up both ways. Expectations of those around you create separation in your relationship. If that's what you're trying to create then great, create that. But if not you have to find a different way to respond. Expectations create separations.

Is the behavior directly harmful to them?

If so reread above and realize making them wrong is not going to fix the toxic behavior and they may even be creating it because of the projections of wrongness. Want them to show up differently, give them space to be different. Give them allowance to be what they desire to be. And support them in whatever they choose.

If this feels too hard for you to do for someone or for someone to do for you then let them go and let them find someone who will do that for them or for you because everyone in this Universe deserves to feel supported and loved.

If you need help releasing expectations yourself check out my programs and get tons of audios to clear the emotional upset for you.

About the author

Jamie Bates is a consciousness facilitator, author, podcast host, wife, mother, empath, and energy healer. Jamie's podcast, Expand Your Reality offers a wide variety of tools and healing processes that are also found in her many workshops and online programs. Check them all out at


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