The Day I Understood What Perpetrating Wrongness Meant
Updated: Feb 11
As I was making my transition through consciousness and awareness I was really choosing to start doing what worked for me. As a single mom, feeling stressed out and overwhelmed one of the things I really hated about my life was the way I reacted in anger. So as my journey progressed I understood that I was in charge of the way I wanted my life to feel like and if something was not working for me or if something was creating a certain feeling in my life I was just not going to choose it. I would talk often to my kids about things, often saying things like, “yes I know that's how I have done things in the past, but that doesn’t actually work for me.” or “I don't like the way I responded there so let me try that again.” Or “I actually don't want to be that person anymore so let me start over.” What that started to create is a whole new dialog in my home. My children were young at the time, my youngest daughter was like six. I wanted her to know that the angry mom I was in the past was not going to continue to carry over.
One day I took them all to go blueberry picking. My youngest daughter had a real issue with being angry as well, go figure! One of the things she did daily was, she would say she wanted to do something or eat something or choose something and when it would come time to do it, eat or go there, she would decide she didn't want to do it anymore. Like every single day. This frustrated me so bad. To get three kids ready to go somewhere or do something and then have one of them say, no I don't want to anymore and then refuse to participate boiled my blood. My normal reaction was always to freak out. Yell, scream and lose my sh*t. Then I would force her to participate. It was never enjoyable. And often she would cause such a scene we would end up leaving anyway.
We had just arrived in the blueberry fields. We drove there, went in the store, bought containers to fill with blueberries then drove to the field, piled out of the car and my youngest daughter says, “I don't want to pick blueberries anymore.” I’m like you have got to be kidding me? I didn't actually say that though, but what I did is say, “okay that's fine. You can stand here. We are all going to pick blueberries. Come on girls let’s go.” And there she stood. This tiny little peanut who weighed like 38 pounds with her arms crossed and her mad face. I made a choice and I was not engaging in that crazy, so I didn't. I left her right there with her arms all crossed in anger and I went and picked blueberries. I stayed close enough by that I could see her and I watched as she stood in surprise. I wasn't arguing with her. I wasn't yelling or screaming. She was so surprised I just left her.
As her arms faded from the crossed position and her body started melting into a more comfortable position I walked over to her and said, “you ready to pick some blueberries? Come on they are so yummy!” And I kind of forced one in her little mouth. “No” she snapped back. And I said “okay, well will you take a walk with me? Can we look at all the yummy bushes? You don’t have to pick any, just walk with me.” She agreed.
As we walked I could see that she wanted to pick some, but she just couldn’t allow herself to do it. And so I said, “you can pick some now, it is okay.” “No I can’t,” she responded. “If I do you’re going to make me wrong.” And I was like, “what, no I'm not! Why would I do that?” She said, “you will, you always do. You always say things like, see I told you.” She continued, “If I pick blueberries and have fun doing it when we leave you’re going to say, see I told you, you would have fun.” And I thought about that statement, and she was right. I did that often. I would make her participate and then I would tell her she was wrong.
As a mom, that was never my intent. I definitely wasn't trying to make her wrong, but I absolutely did that often. So I said, “I am so sorry. Mommy never wanted to make you feel wrong. If I promise and pinky swear to you that I will not say that, will you pick blueberries with me?” And she agreed. We went on to pick blueberries for the next hour and I had the best grown-up conversations with that baby girl that day. And let me tell you it really took some awareness with my words to not do that again, but once I understood how those words affected her and what that projection did to her little world I promised myself to be aware of the wrongness I was projecting and to stay aware of what my words were creating for others.
About the author
Jamie Bates is a consciousness facilitator, author, podcast host, wife, mother, empath, and energy healer. Jamie's podcast, Expand Your Reality offers a wide variety of tools and healing processes that are also found in her many workshops and online programs. Check them all out at www.jamie-bates.com