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  • Writer's pictureJamie Bates

How To Attract Exactly What You Desire In A Relationship.

Updated: Oct 4, 2020

What do you do when you desire something so deeply in a relationship and feel like you can never have it?

Like maybe you really desire to be held and comforted but it feels like no one can ever fulfill that space.

Maybe you really desire someone to show up in your life and love you so completely you feel whole again?

Or maybe you really desire for someone who makes your life fun and easy?

The thing is you can have anything you truly desire in a relationship you just have to be the space to receive it. If you receive it, you will achieve it. Pretty simple right? So how do you do that? Here are my tips to go from lack of to the abundance of.

Step 1- You have to STOP using your past to dictate what you can have in the future!

I don't care who someone was in the past for you, the only way they can change or you can have something different is to STOP using the past to dictate what they can be or what you can have. This is so important! You have to stop feeling bad because of something from the past. Stop cycling in, I wanted to be deeply loved, my ex-boyfriend said he deeply loved me and cheated on me. Or I want my spouse to deeply love me but he doesn't pay any attention to me. Yes. I get it. It is very difficult to go through things like that, but you can not. I repeat can not move forward into what you desire if you continue to carry that from your past. My favorite way to shift this and move on is to clear the form and structure around the issue. That's everywhere I have made it right or wrong or good or bad. You can check out this blog here and it will give you more information- How form and structure create your reality.

Step 2- You have to get clear about what you do desire.

What is it that you really want in a relationship? Write that down and then state it out loud. How does it feel?

If it feels heavy but it is something you want that means you have lots of form and structure on it. Like I really want to be lusted after, but the last person who said they lusted after me it just felt yucky. Go and clear all the form and structure you have around that concept.

If it feels heavy and you don't have a lot of form and structure it means you don't actually desire that. Maybe its something close but it isn't that exact feeling.

You want to get everything you do desire to a feeling of lightness. No reverting to the old patterns of can't have or can't choose based on the past.

Step 3- Start actively choosing.

Choose what you desire. Tell the universe what you truly want! Then ask and receive for that space to show up! If you can receive it you can actualize it! Check out my ask and receive the process in this blog- ask and always receive.

Step 4- Stop settling for people who don't match.

Your awareness doesn't lie. If you meet someone or your dating someone and you are aware there are things about them that aren't settling quite right with you. That is your awareness letting you know this person does not work for you! Stop trying to make them work.

I tell my clients this often when you find someone who matches the head noise goes away. You aren't continually feeling wrong about them. You're not looping in the what-ifs. If they fit, its quite, you feel at peace and you expand when you are around them. If you don't have that, you have not found the one.

Step 5- Actively search for them.

Start actively searching for them and know they are coming. If you are telling the Universe you know they are close eventually you will meet. I understand how desperate it can feel when you can't find your match. I have helped enough people to understand that vigilance is key.

The thing is you can have anything you desire in a relationship. You really can. Rather you're in a relationship now or you're desiring a relationship to show up. It's easy to create exactly what you desire when you know the exact steps to allow it to show up.

All these tools are taught step by step in my program, The Energetic Receiving Method. This program is found on my website under being the conscious empath.

About the author

Jamie Bates is a consciousness facilitator, author, podcast host, wife, mother, empath, and energy healer. Jamie's podcast, Expand Your Reality offers a wide variety of tools and healing processes that are also found in her many workshops and online programs. Check them all out at


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